


Reading "Your Own Personal Co-Dependent Wet Dream"

by yourlibrarian



Series: Reading Fan Vids [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Commentary, Fanvids, Gen, M/M, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 09:52:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6748927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlibrarian/pseuds/yourlibrarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted March 18, 2008</p>
    </blockquote>





	Reading "Your Own Personal Co-Dependent Wet Dream"

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Your Own Personal Co-Dependent Wet Dream](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/194794) by Fabella. 



> Originally posted March 18, 2008

There were a series of wonderful juxtapositions in this vid. Some of the first ones are where we see Dean's confession in Shadows (where Sam is, of course, denying him his wish) followed by Sam and Dean in the Christmas episode where Sam is doing it again; Dean having Sam clean his fingerprints from the railing in Nightmares, then again in BUaBS; Sam hitchhiking in Scarecrow followed by Dean searching for him in BUaBS; a shot of the empty interview room in The Usual Suspects followed by Sam and Dean's escape in Nightshifter; and the two arguing at the diner in Mystery Spot and their younger selves facing one another on the beds in the Christmas ep. She also uses some interesting and lesser used clips to tell the story, along with some frame cropping which also made much of the vid seem fresh –- something that gets harder to do with 2 ½ seasons of a heavily vidded show.

Two of my favorite bits though have to be that shot of Sam rising out of the water carrying the little girl from Playthings and the reversed juxtaposition of Sam and Dean washing their faces. I also liked how that bridge seemed at first to be a water colored "life flashing before your eyes" bit and then seemed to sink into a nightmare scenario of resuscitation, neither coming back from the event as they should. I also like how the apple was used as a symbol of temptation in "pick up the receiver, I'll make you a believer." Particularly creepy is the idea of a false god, in the shot of WIaWSNB Sam with the "your own personal Jesus" line just before Dean rejects him by sacrificing himself. As powerful a hold as his mother's memory must have over him, it's ultimately just that -- a memory of a woman Dean never really knew. It's no accident that it is Sam's image that tries to convince him to stay, since Sam has been his most potent reality. I almost wonder if the season (or rather the deal storyline) won't end in that same way –- with Sam asking Dean to stay, and Dean killing himself to make sure Sam doesn't lose himself in the effort to save him. (Which, given what we've seen Sam will become if Dean's gone, would be pretty ironic, but then that's one more thing Sam keeps from him.)

Speaking of lyrics, I also really liked how the following "feeling unknown and you're all alone" is so very true for Dean. Especially with John gone, who does know him really? Certainly some people do, better than he thinks, but not like Sam. No matter how close he gets to anyone in the future, it would be difficult to ever have them match what Sam knows. In so many ways, Sam is Dean's deliverance from isolation. Of course, one would think the same is true in reverse but Sam hides himself even from Dean. I get the sense that Sam doesn't want anyone to really know him, and this is not something he really values from Dean. 

While Dean has certainly been guilty of putting up a front for Sam, I think his reasons are fairly different –- he does it to be strong for Sam, feels it's part of the role he plays for him. So when Dean hides his feelings, it's in service of being who he thinks he is (first and foremost), Sam's older brother and caretaker. I think Sam hides himself for the opposite reason, so no one knows who he is. Perhaps it's because all his life he's had outside expectations that go very contrary to the truth of himself. First, from his family to be a hunter and outsider, then from Jess to be a partner (which he could never really have been, hiding so much from her as he was), and now from demons to be their leader. It's kind of curious really because while Sam rejects some of these projections and tries to embrace others (in Jessica's case, and in his efforts this season to be like Dean), who he really is never becomes as clear as it does for Dean. Dean has picked a center for himself ("no one even had to tell me") but what Sam's is remains pretty mysterious to me. And though it's an accident of casting, even the fact that being Dean's "little" brother is visually contradictory seems part of how Sam resists definition.


End file.
